Lately I have been in a FUNK. I soak up the feelings of those that I love and those around me and I just get all in my feels. I’m a fixer and when my loves are down I’m even lower. But I’ve been doing my best to lift them up and bandage their wounds and shine the flashlight for them to see the light at the end of the tunnel but to be honest I have drained my own battery. I can’t find my own flashlight and I am just SPENT. I keep going, waking up every day and some days are easier than others but some days it’s exhausting to even fake a smile. I don’t like feeling like this, and I try my best to hide it but when I’m not cracking jokes and annoyingly positive, it’s hard to hide that I’m just feeling off.
What do you do when you are feeling like this? I know that everyone gets like this. I know that I have been in this spot many times and have come back. But I could always use a new trick or tip on snapping out of it. When I get like this it’s hard for me to be creative, especially on the spot when my client is looking at me. I can’t not go out and earn a living which sends my anxiety into another snowball.
My anxiety is always present and it’s basically self-sabotaging. I become a wreck and find it hard to open or respond to emails and I will over analyze my texts, comments, and responses to the point of exhaustion. I really prefer communicating face to face. Engaging personally is just where I feel the most comfortable. But if I go to a social gathering I will be mentally exhausted by the end of the event and choose to stay at home in my pajamas the following day. I’m an odd one ya’ll! I pull out my eyelashes and eyebrows. I waste money on mascara because of how frequently I need to reapply it during the day! Insanity.
I know a lot of my feelings are felt by others, but I don’t let that many people in. I don’t have a mom that I can just call and vent too and most days it doesn’t bother me but times like this I wish I could pick up the phone and blabber away or have someone swoop into the house and give me a bit of time on my own. Again I know a lot of people go through this and I wish I could swoop in to help them or be at the other end of the phone and have the right words to say, or just an open ear. Mothering without a Mom (especially one who is alive and well) is just downright hard. I don’t like going to my husband with every emotion. He is my best friend and my only family but sometimes I like to keep my personal burdens personal.
What usually works for me when I am in a funk is some time ticking things off of my to-do list. Not the usual things, but the ones that are seemingly urgent. I waste more energy thinking about getting them done than actually doing them. For example, I have been rolling my eyes at my laundry room every time I walked in there for months. I’m in there several times a day! The wood that I put up dried significantly months after the fact and the gaps were driving me crazy. I wasn’t proud of the room and it bothered the crap out of me. So last week after I started another load of laundry I grabbed my hammer and a crowbar and did my own little demo day. 30 minutes later I had a smile on my face and a mess, but I was smiling! I cleaned up the room and put putty on the small holes and just stood back and pictured a few happy colors that would compliment my counter. The counter that I LOVE. I haven’t picked one yet so its still a polka dot situation but I feel better.
I miss nature big time! I would hike several times a week when we lived in San Diego with the little ones. One on my back and one on my hip. We would hoof it up the hill and down the mountain and end our hike on the beach with a picnic. I know that it is beautiful here in Texas. We love fishing and love the lakes but the sound of waves crashing is something that cannot be replaced.
I should probably get back to working out regularly. Spin classes made me so much happier. I wanted to become a certified instructor and now I haven’t done it since we bought this house.
I feel like I am rambling, and I apologize for that. I wanted to write to basically say that I am like you. Or maybe you can’t relate. My posts on Instagram are my highlight reel and I don’t tell everyone I’m having an off day or week. But I have them and I’ve been here for almost this entire month!
If you are currently where I am, stop reading this because I’ve been whining and go and do your favorite thing. Or look at photos that make you happy. Even for five minutes. Watch a movie that makes you laugh. Make your favorite dinner. Read a chapter in your book. Flip through a magazine with a good cup of coffee. Know that you are loved and that you are special and this too shall pass.
Maybe I should take a snippet of my own advice…..